happy easter
March 23, 2008
i wanted a thing and did something wrong to have it.
and yet, i do not and will not have it.
lesson learned.
especially today. Easter.
he doesn’t scare me
February 27, 2008
There are 3 persons in the story below. One is our group leader (Japanese), another is a male colleague (Japanese), and yours truly. We are all subcontractual employees in the company I am reporting to, everyday for almost a year now. Colleague, reports to work at our agent’s office most of the time though.
Yesterday, colleague came over to fix something that needs Leader’s supervision. While Leader was on a meeting, Colleague was debugging beside me. Suddenly he asked me,
Colleague: How are you doing?
Me: Fine, Why?
Colleague: Aren’t you scared? Leader shouts. Frequently.
Me: (Smiling). No, of course not. When he shouts, we shout back.
Colleague: Really? He’s really hot-tempered, right?
Me: Yep. But he can’t do so much shouting. We are never scared of him.
Officemate(Japanese) in front of me was smiling with me.
He doesn’t scare me. He makes me shiver. In ANGER.
yatto, yatta!
February 27, 2008
after more than 5 years of waiting (i.e. more than 5 years in marriage), my sister (our eldest), is finally pregnant.
she had the child (in her womb) almost the same time my elder sister(middle sister) had hers 2 years ago. but there’s something quiet strange behind their pregnancies. before my father died, my sister (middle) was a month pregnant. and now, before his second death anniversary, our eldest sister is a month pregnant too.
when GOD takes away something He replaces it with another? could be. (but the reverse couldn’t be true).
would you be willing to give up someone you already have to have someone new? no. of course not. but then, that’s not for us to decide.
BUT… the point of this post is, after 5 long years of waiting, my sister is finally pregnant. I know there are a lot of people out there who’ve been waiting much much longer, and yet, it feels so different when people you know, people close to you, are experiencing it. the depression is a lot more visible. the pressure. i know there were points in their lives (my sis and bro-in-law) when they almost gave up. i know it’s depressing waiting for years. i just don’t exactly know how depressing it can be.
but, cheers to my sister and bro-in-law! long way to go though… i hope the baby will finally get to see what the world is like in 8 months.
(yatto, yatta! = japanese term for finally, did it!)
a slice of indifference
February 18, 2008
respect. it’s not something you ask for. it’s something you receive as a result of the way you treat others. you don’t expect for it, when you don’t know how to give it, in the first place.i am usually the kind of person who respects even if i am not yet sure i’d be respected. but then, once i am disrespected, i take that respect away from you without warning.here in japan, high-ranking persons do not have to respect lower ones. it’s just not expected from them. it’s unfair sometimes, because bosses can shout at their subordinates and not be sorry for it, for the plain reason that it’s not expected of them to do so, while respecting bosses are to be done, by default, (almost) no matter what.
but i am not the kind of subordinate who allows the boss to scold me. i am not the kind. sadly boss, i can shout back at you. sadly boss, i can let you know how stupid are your reasons and how so deafening is your voice. always. always. sadly boss, i wanted so much to tell you that the reason why i don’t give a damn having my back on you during our everyday morning meetings, is because, you never brush your teeth and i would like to tell you, “nioi ga suru kara.” i wish i was able to tell you that.
i wish.
sadly boss, i am not the kind of subordinate who just smiles at your stupid reasons when scolded. sadly boss, i am not so japanese. and you can not shout at me just like that. you’re so OA. you talk without ceasing. you answer without even knowing what the question was, you claim you debugged our code when all you did was testing. boss, there’s a difference. debugging is taking away bugs. you’re damn too proud of doing the tests and claiming you’re the reason for all those bugs fixed. ha? stupid! stupid!
you brag about your more than 10-year software programming experience. how could you replace a 10-liner code with more than 1000 lines, for readability? worst, boss, we’re doing an embedded project. worst, boss, you go for readability over code-size and speed despite the obvious great difference. gosh boss, i’m sick of you. how could you change static-to-file variables to global variables, telling, you wanted to access variables from all over. gosh, boss! it’s crazy! it’s plain crazy.
i wish i could leave you now. but i can’t. so, let me just give you a slice of my indifference. pathetic!
the greatest irony
February 12, 2008
3 stabbed to death in Tokyo residence; boy’s arms cut off
this, while some people strive (the hardest) to survive…
this is CRAZY.
the reason for her heartbreak
January 30, 2008
she called me up. i knew her heart was broken. we agreed to meet at the church. we sat on the grass. she told me everything. they broke up. he told her he was actually in love with her sister, not with her. i felt the pain. i didn’t know what to say. i just had to be there for her. i just had to comfort her, listen to her, hug her, wipe her tears.
i wish i knew what to say. but how could i, when i was the reason?
still, it hurts
January 25, 2008
MIL (future) paid a visit to my mom. She felt she had to talk to my mom. It’s tradition. It’s culture.
So they talked about what they had to talk. Although they both knew it. They just had to talk about it, as parents.
“I knew she(me) will eventually have to leave me. I just didn’t think it would come this soon.” Then tears came running mama’s cheeks.
reality strikes
January 25, 2008
lessons i’ve learned
January 24, 2008
These are a few of lessons I’ve learned and I believe strongly.
(1) you can never help someone who isn’t doing a thing to help himself.
(2) there is a difference between helping and being the main support. if you stop helping and the receiver gets disabled, you weren’t actually helping.
(3) your plans for someone is as good as nothing if that someone is not willing to execute it.
(4) journey as if you don’t have someone to lean on. you’d be more careful.
(5) don’t just go. know where you exactly wanna go and head there. making dreams a reality does not happen by chance nor by accident.
(6) when planning, consider worst case scenarios. life is full of surprises, including undesirable ones.
until it’s gone
January 24, 2008
truly, you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. this i realized (again) after reading blogs of cancer victims. well, because it’s already big deal to them that they can lift a hairdryer and a comb while it’s so normal to us (to me, at least). it’s a big deal to them going upstairs without holding the railings. it’s a big deal, just being able to tie showlaces.
sometimes, it takes discomfort, for us to realize how comfortable life has been.
i tell you, you are so lucky if you visit the toilet everyday and are successful there (you know what i mean) for i don’t have that privilege anymore.
i used to get annoyed at the feeling (urge) of having to visit the toilet. we all know it can sometimes (if not, most of time) be disturbing. but i miss it now, i miss toilet success moments… didn’t know i’d miss that! (till i lost it)
funny? NO (else, you don’t indeed know what you got).
